Ms Humdrum recommends ... The Courtyard in Southsea Castle

Location and ambience: I usually only visit here during our local Victorious festival, for their bbq and the toilets, if I’m being honest.

Today after a short stroll along the front, we decided to pop in for tea and cake. For those who don’t know, it’s set in the courtyard of Henry VIII’s castle built in 1544. Sadly, he didn’t design the castle with enough forethought to have a cafe 500 years in the future with views over the Solent, so we are under the arches. We snuck into the comfy chairs at all the end, out of the main thoroughfare. Music came on at the end of our visit but it wasn’t intruding (unlike the Adele and Kylie blasting out at another seafront-based cafe ...).

Refreshments: The cake selection was good; we chose coffee and walnut. It was neither dry not cold, two of my pet hates. Not sickly either, even for the large slice.

The tea (Teapigs - breakfast I presume?) was hot (sounds silly but you know what I mean!) and brewed properly on arrival rather than having to wait 10 minutes. Normal pots too, rather tyhan those cool-looking colourful ones that don’t close at the top, with two and 2/3 cups (last still drinkable).

Anything wrong: Oh - Master Humdrum may complain we had normal forks rather than cake forks, but it didn’t spoil it!

Cost: £12.50 for two large cakes, a tea and a flat white.

Verdict: Pleasant, nice cake, will bring Mum next time.

Would I Lie To You board family game review

Would I Lie To You? "The game of believable lies and unbelievable lies ", linked into the TV show of the same name. Purchased: December 2017 in Waterstones, for around £20 In a nutshell: These TV show-affiliated games usually show themselves up (Never Mind The Buzzcocks, Top Gear) but this game is fun and easy to play (if a little modified) as a family. You don't really need specialist knowledge to play, just the ability to lie! Every year for Christmas, I like to buy a board game to play, even though no games better either Ludo (in which my dad is the reigning cheater-champion, and argues to high heaven over the rules about doubling up or how to place your counters in "Home") or Rummikub (which we can now play with two packs of cards lest we forget the game). This year, Would I Lie To You caught my eye in Waterstones (other emporiums - emporia? - for book lovers are [locally] unavailable). It's a game, it says, for 2-8 players; however we dec...

A walk from Portchester Castle to Salt Cafe

Well we just had to choose the worst day of the year to walk. The date had been set weeks before - who knew there would be the worst winds of the decade almost on this very day? But we didn't want to be beaten. We will walk to the cafe. At least it wasn't raining! Parking is free next the castle and obviously, it wasn't busy this day! We set off around the outside of this medieval monument. The sea wall affords views across to Portsmouth and Gosport, and Portsdown Hill if you look behind. You can see the Spinnaker Tower in my photos, but you'd have to zoom in. The sea wall leads to a walk along a path, switching between grass (a much more sheltered area) beside a playpark, and the beach. It is an easy, flat walk, made slightly harder in the wind. After 1.75 miles, you reach the Salt Cafe (@saltcafe66). This took us one hour - that wind did slow us down! I've had a breakfast bap there before and remember it being delicious, but slightly expensive. But today, we...

That's not my Elf, he's too rude and noisy

At nursery drop-off this morning, I was handed part of Elf's transfer to school pack, you know, the bit that the pre-school teacher had completed and also that Elf had drawn in (looking worryingly like a blaze that Fireman Sam ought to be putting out instead of rescuing Norman's head from a saucepan with the "jaws of life"). Reading it, I had a sense of "That's not my child" in the way that the above tractor book is written. Surely, the little angel you've so kindly described here doesn't really exist, and certainly doesn't pretend to be my little Elf? So here is "This is not my child" book, by A Humdrum Mum. That's not my child He's too rude and noisy That's not my child He's uncaring and unkind (to me sometimes) That's not my child He wants to sit in front of the TV not run around in the garden That's not my child He won't help me take in the washing This is my child ...

A Humdrum Mum

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