A Humdrum Mum

I can't read in the car because I get car sick. I can't read a map because... well I just can't. Therefore I am no good as a sat nav. Mr Humdrum relies on Google maps on his iPhone. Here he is teaching Elf to read a map, to replace his old mum! Go Elf! (By turning left and going straight ahead for 200 yards.)

It was Book Week the other week. And again, it was Come to School Dressed as a Book Character day. Last  year, he dressed as  Captain Flinn .  This year, Elf wanted to go dressed as Ben10. I was trying to get him to go as a classic  book character - like Dennis the Menace (or comic character!), not a character from a TV series that has made it into book format ... ... but as you can see, he won. And he did take a Ben10 book in. I suppose as long as they read, does it really matter what they read? Am I just a purist?

Since Elf went back to school this year, I've been asking him each day if he was on the flames. Your school probably does similar; Elf starts the day on the rocket, then can move up to the moon for possibly being the only one to tuck his chair in, then even further up to the star for good listening. He could however go down to the orange flames for not good listening, or even further down to the red flames for, as was the case in the first week, going onto Google on the lap tops, instead of Education City. (Mr Humdrum said Well at least he knows how to do it. Not the point.) So after a chat with the lovely Mr G, his teacher, I decided to use bribery. Elf could have his 50p school shop money on Friday provided he wasn't on the flames. A day on the star could result in £1 pocket money. A few weeks in now, and he's been OK so much so that last week when he was on the orange flames for squirting water from his water bottle, I wasn't really bothered.  Parents...

About this time of year, something you do or see indicates the turn of the season. For some people, it's the first time they have to jumper-up. For others, putting on the heating. I did smell a bonfire a couple of doors down the other day at 5:30pm; not great when your washing is still out. (Isn't the watershed 6pm?)  For me, the changing of the season is encapsulated in the moment when I fancy a bowl of steaming hot porridge for breakfast. Not Jamie Oliver's  pukkolla  that I've been eating for ages now - the definitive summer breakfast, an amazing alternative to my winter favourite. But hot, gooey, creamy, rough oaty porridge. Topped with honey as a treat, goji or blueberries and nuts. Yummy. You still go to work with the orange Ready Brek glow around you even when you nowadays buy Waitrose's Duchy organic oat and barley porridge , and you don't feel hungry til lunch time. (But don't even start me on Oatsosimple - no link there!) If only I could get...

  Elf emptied out his silver Darth Vader money pot and with Mr Humdrum's help, separated local legal tender from foreign shrapnel. Mr Humdrum said "You can spend that pound coin in England." Pointing to the foreign coins, Elf said "Do I have to go somewhere else to spend this money then, like Nana and Grandad's?" They live in Cornwall.

This is a get well soon card from one of Elf's cohorts. As you can see, there is a great big cross on his right ear, depicting the awful ear infection that Elf has suffered this past week. In fact he is still suffering. And so, dear reader, are we, his parents. From Competitive Tiredness. Well not that much actually, but it does remind me of all the times that we have. This week, I spent three nights with Elf sweating and screaming in my bed, while Mr Humdrum snored in the spare room. After all, he did have to go to work. The hourly (yes) screaming is obviously Elf's way of dealing with the hideous pain that is otis media, but after 45 minutes of howling, you either wish you had glue ear yourself, or you think the neighbours will report for you for child abuse. Not even a cuddle could help, it was that bad. Last night was my night off. Elf's superstrong antibiotics were taking effect halfway through the dose, at last. Elf has taken to calling them anti bionics, whi...

The new school term looms, and we have yet to organise Elf's uniform. We had to order most of it, and so returned with empty shopping bags, except well, I thought it was time I had a new pair of shoes. I am looking for a smart-ish pair for work, which don't detract from