Skip to main content

That's not my Elf, he's too rude and noisy

At nursery drop-off this morning, I was handed part of Elf's transfer to school pack, you know, the bit that the pre-school teacher had completed and also that Elf had drawn in (looking worryingly like a blaze that Fireman Sam ought to be putting out instead of rescuing Norman's head from a saucepan with the "jaws of life").

Reading it, I had a sense of "That's not my child" in the way that the above tractor book is written. Surely, the little angel you've so kindly described here doesn't really exist, and certainly doesn't pretend to be my little Elf?

So here is "This is not my child" book, by A Humdrum Mum.

That's not my child
He's too rude and noisy

That's not my child
He's uncaring and unkind (to me sometimes)

That's not my child
He wants to sit in front of the TV not run around in the garden

That's not my child
He won't help me take in the washing

This is my child
He's the one acting like an angel at pre-school and playing up for his mummy

Does your child have a split personality? Are you as surprised as me to hear your devil is in fact an angel?


  1. So when's it going to be published... can't wait for that to hit the shops!

    I think most parents can't relate to this one x

  2. !!! Love this post. But the thing is... I AM the preschool teacher who thinks your child is an angel.. or I certainly do at my preschool. And the thing is, that all our children are just gorgeous in the setting and as soon as their mothers come, they turn into the Devil himself. ??!! BTW love the book idea. I'll buy it. xx

  3. Oh yes... appear to have two of those! I can only assume it is down to the fact that the effort of all that angelic behaviour is just too much by the time they get home... Sigh...

  4. Oh my god, you have just described my toddler! I love this analogy, so clever. Also we are fairly obsessive fireman sam devotees in our house (I strangely love it too, how weird is that?) that any mention of him in a post is a must read. My toddler did her settling in morning at pre-school last week and she was an absolute angel whilst I wasn't there - I know this because I snuck in so she wouldn't see me and there she was quietly handing round the snacks. Sees me and hey presto it's psycho kid!

  5. So far, little L turns out to be very shy and quiet at nursery. She is speaking at home A LOT and she only manages to say bye bye when we leave.

  6. Anon - hope you mean that parents CAN relate to it or is it just us?!

    Ladybird - I did the same too, according to my dad.

    JulieB - it's a good job it's that way round really, I always think.

    Mummy's life - handing round the snacks, bless. Got 'em working already.

    Magic - thanks will look...

    MetroMum - hmm you have the opposite there's time for change tho!

    All- I will let you know when the book comes out. If I'm not done for plagiarism (spelling?) first. -HMx

  7. Love this - so very true. What is it about walking in your own front door that reduces the little angel to a demonic terror? You should start a series of these!

  8. Like everyone else, this is my daughter - lovely and well behaved child for everyone and then a total nut bar for me. My Mum tells me to take it as a compliment as it means she loves me most and trusts me so much that she knows I'll take it from her and still love her.

    Poops to that, I just want her to be nice to me too....


Post a Comment

Talk to me...

Popular posts from this blog

A walk from Portchester Castle to Salt Cafe

Well we just had to choose the worst day of the year to walk. The date had been set weeks before - who knew there would be the worst winds of the decade almost on this very day? But we didn't want to be beaten. We will walk to the cafe. At least it wasn't raining! Parking is free next the castle and obviously, it wasn't busy this day! We set off around the outside of this medieval monument. The sea wall affords views across to Portsmouth and Gosport, and Portsdown Hill if you look behind. You can see the Spinnaker Tower in my photos, but you'd have to zoom in. The sea wall leads to a walk along a path, switching between grass (a much more sheltered area) beside a playpark, and the beach. It is an easy, flat walk, made slightly harder in the wind. After 1.75 miles, you reach the Salt Cafe (@saltcafe66). This took us one hour - that wind did slow us down! I've had a breakfast bap there before and remember it being delicious, but slightly expensive. But today, we

Would I Lie To You board family game review

Would I Lie To You? "The game of believable lies and unbelievable lies ", linked into the TV show of the same name. Purchased:  December 2017 in Waterstones, for around £20 In a nutshell: These TV show-affiliated games usually show themselves up (Never Mind The Buzzcocks, Top Gear) but this game is fun and easy to play (if a little modified) as a family. You don't really need specialist knowledge to play, just the ability to lie! Every year for Christmas, I like to buy a board game to play, even though no games better either Ludo (in which my dad is the reigning cheater-champion, and argues to high heaven over the rules about doubling up or how to place your counters in "Home") or Rummikub (which we can now play with two packs of cards lest we forget the game). This year, Would I Lie To You caught my eye in Waterstones (other emporiums - emporia? - for book lovers are [locally] unavailable). It's a game, it says, for 2-8 players; however we dec

Ms Humdrum reviews: B Afternoon Tea Bus Tour around London

Family and friends, tasty tea, cute cakes, succulent sarnies, scrumptious scones… what more could you ask for? Some sightseeing around Central London please. Oh, and on a vintage red double decker bus, if you don’t mind. What I’ve described is exactly what you get from the B Afternoon Tea Bus Tour. Priced at around what I paid for the Ritz afternoon tea some five years ago, you rock up at Victoria bus station and check-in to board the bus. The waiting staff guide you on and you find your booth. I manged to get a photo before anyone arrived.  The tea is set up for you and is sort of stuck down on the table with a little bit of material! Note the nice touches of the flowers adorning the sides of the bus and the tables with natty bus and shopper images. You settle in and order your first (of many) drinks. I had in my head that I’d be supping loose tea using a strainer out of a bone china cup and saucer. However that just isn’t going to work on a bus, I realise. So you are given