Skip to main content

That's not my Elf, he's too rude and noisy

At nursery drop-off this morning, I was handed part of Elf's transfer to school pack, you know, the bit that the pre-school teacher had completed and also that Elf had drawn in (looking worryingly like a blaze that Fireman Sam ought to be putting out instead of rescuing Norman's head from a saucepan with the "jaws of life").

Reading it, I had a sense of "That's not my child" in the way that the above tractor book is written. Surely, the little angel you've so kindly described here doesn't really exist, and certainly doesn't pretend to be my little Elf?

So here is "This is not my child" book, by A Humdrum Mum.

That's not my child
He's too rude and noisy

That's not my child
He's uncaring and unkind (to me sometimes)

That's not my child
He wants to sit in front of the TV not run around in the garden

That's not my child
He won't help me take in the washing

This is my child
He's the one acting like an angel at pre-school and playing up for his mummy

Does your child have a split personality? Are you as surprised as me to hear your devil is in fact an angel?


  1. So when's it going to be published... can't wait for that to hit the shops!

    I think most parents can't relate to this one x

  2. !!! Love this post. But the thing is... I AM the preschool teacher who thinks your child is an angel.. or I certainly do at my preschool. And the thing is, that all our children are just gorgeous in the setting and as soon as their mothers come, they turn into the Devil himself. ??!! BTW love the book idea. I'll buy it. xx

  3. Oh yes... appear to have two of those! I can only assume it is down to the fact that the effort of all that angelic behaviour is just too much by the time they get home... Sigh...

  4. Oh my god, you have just described my toddler! I love this analogy, so clever. Also we are fairly obsessive fireman sam devotees in our house (I strangely love it too, how weird is that?) that any mention of him in a post is a must read. My toddler did her settling in morning at pre-school last week and she was an absolute angel whilst I wasn't there - I know this because I snuck in so she wouldn't see me and there she was quietly handing round the snacks. Sees me and hey presto it's psycho kid!

  5. So far, little L turns out to be very shy and quiet at nursery. She is speaking at home A LOT and she only manages to say bye bye when we leave.

  6. Anon - hope you mean that parents CAN relate to it or is it just us?!

    Ladybird - I did the same too, according to my dad.

    JulieB - it's a good job it's that way round really, I always think.

    Mummy's life - handing round the snacks, bless. Got 'em working already.

    Magic - thanks will look...

    MetroMum - hmm you have the opposite there's time for change tho!

    All- I will let you know when the book comes out. If I'm not done for plagiarism (spelling?) first. -HMx

  7. Love this - so very true. What is it about walking in your own front door that reduces the little angel to a demonic terror? You should start a series of these!

  8. Like everyone else, this is my daughter - lovely and well behaved child for everyone and then a total nut bar for me. My Mum tells me to take it as a compliment as it means she loves me most and trusts me so much that she knows I'll take it from her and still love her.

    Poops to that, I just want her to be nice to me too....


Post a comment

Talk to me...

Popular posts from this blog

My month - January 2019

This is New Year's Eve at our house. Every year, we host a disco for our little group of five families. Each year, we enjoy a little drink. Each year, we drink yummy espresso martinis. Each year, we dance and dance and dance. This year was no exception. This year, we chose rather cheesy music (think Copa Cabana) and danced and sang so much that my legs ached for days. 

This is my new mantra. I'm fed up of counting down the days to the weekend, or weeks to half-term. And it also links in with Bohemian Rhapsody, answering Freddie's first line question.

Sadly, my newly restored motivation for getting outside to do more exercise took a hit in the form of plantar fasciitis. For the lucky ones who don't know what it is, it is a bloody annoying pain in your arches and on your heel. I have had to wear my old moulded (not mouldy) insoles to help. I am obsessed with Skechers so I bought these comfy boots, only to find that memory foam isn't great for my foot thing, so in went …

Ms Humdrum reviews: B Afternoon Tea Bus Tour around London

Family and friends, tasty tea, cute cakes, succulent sarnies, scrumptious scones… what more could you ask for? Some sightseeing around Central London please. Oh, and on a vintage red double decker bus, if you don’t mind. What I’ve described is exactly what you get from the B Afternoon Tea Bus Tour. Priced at around what I paid for the Ritz afternoon tea some five years ago, you rock up at Victoria bus station and check-in to board the bus. The waiting staff guide you on and you find your booth. I manged to get a photo before anyone arrived. 

The tea is set up for you and is sort of stuck down on the table with a little bit of material! Note the nice touches of the flowers adorning the sides of the bus and the tables with natty bus and shopper images. You settle in and order your first (of many) drinks. I had in my head that I’d be supping loose tea using a strainer out of a bone china cup and saucer. However that just isn’t going to work on a bus, I realise. So you are given travel mug…

Book review - The Artificial Anatomy of Parks by Kat Gordon

I had loaded up my Kindle with books I thought I'd be interested in before my week long trip to Menorca in the summer, during which I managed to finish a record six books!

As I'd chosen this book months ago, I hadn't actually remembered I'd already read An Unsuitable Woman by the same author until I came to write this review. The two novels share similar themes, but are different enough not to have noticed the link, unlike my Liane Moriarty book, which, having read four of hers now, all tend to be feature similar characters (good reads though they are).

The Artificial Anatomy of Parks is Tallulah's story, past and present, starting in the present in her early twenties, called to the hospital as her father has had a heart attack. We learn how she grew up in a family filled with secrets (whilst obvious to us readers, not to the tender Tallie) and how she coped with personal tragedy. Not a likeable character at first (like the main protagonist in An Unsuitable Woman)…