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'I'll never be a Proper Mum' - competitive crapness

I have just read the crappest article ever. And it was in the Guardian, which I usually buy on Saturdays (mainly for The Guide I have to admit). barenakedmummy wrote (on the same blog template as me, spooky to read) that she isn't an alpha mummy and doesn't care, in response to the Guardian article 'I'll never be a Proper Mum'. Barenakedmummy's article was funny and I identified with it. But the Guardian article? Now I don't mean to diss the writer, in fairness it was well written and it did keep me entertained, but I don't for a minute believe it is true.

The article precised into a couple of lines - and I'm paraphrasing here:
I am not a proper mummy, you know those mummies who turn up to nursery/school in their Cath Kidston wellies with organic lunch boxes, I hate playdates cos I hate the other "proper" mums, when I see a proper mum I feel 13 again and inadequate.

Where did all this competitive "I'm crap"ness come from? When I was studying for my O levels, it was cool to say Oh I didn't revise at all for that exam, having actually crammed every night for the past two months. It wasn't cool. So these must be the same mums. The mums who hate NCTers and mumsnetters.

The proper mum they talk of is a myth... the true Alpha Mummy from The Times, hilariously written ... GOT TO BE tongue in cheek.

So here are a couple of comments on why yes, you are crap:
  1. If you don't like your child's friends parents, then you messed up somewhere. I can think of nothing nicer than playdates with my son's friends' mums.
  2. If you can't remember to buy a chocolate egg before you are supposed to, how did you manage to hold down a job? We all forget things from time to time, but you must always have been like that.
  3. If you have to fish a uniform out of the laundry basket, don't crow about it - we all do it, that's why they invented Febreze. We just keep quiet about it. It's called daily life.
  4. If you can't continue the Baby Signing Class because everyone else has progressed further than you, then don't choose to do something based on how it looks to everyone else, instead choose something you'd actually like to do with your child, or heaven forbid, that your child might like.
The write asks "What am I trying to prove to myself?" - only that you're way crapper than everyone else. Well done, you've certainly showed that to me! Enjoy life, calm down a bit and stop competing about how crap you are. Why not go and make a papier mache pig? You might actually enjoy it.


  1. Not read that article but enjoyed your version! And you are soooo right; enjoy life and calm down. I have a very bad habit of always looking ahead and not stopping to enjoy the moment/life -I might just actually stop and make a paper mache pig this Easter!! :)

  2. Some people just need to compete in every aspect of their life, whether it's something they're good at or bad at. Sad really!

  3. On the flip side it makes me laugh when some mothers go out of their way to fret endlessly about silly little things and make their lives more difficult by attaching undue importance to trivial items.

    It is we call in my family "The association for worried parents".

    LCM x

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  5. ho ho like you I am fairly crap at being an organised mum but why flaunt it!! I do get the kids to school on time though and so I sort of feel my work is done.

  6. BM - I think we all do that sometimes, look forward too much - bit like always taking photos but not enjoying the moment!

    K and LCM - I think I'e realised that these self-titled Lesser Mums actually WANT to be so-called Proper Mums and instead of doing what LCM says (love that Association name), they actually pretend that they're not bothered and are proud to NOT be like that. Instead, they should just be happy with who they are - most of us would like to better ourselves but the happiest of us are OK with who we are. Rant over (for now).

    EK - Exactly your work is done, have a capuccino! - HM x

  7. Now then I didn't read the actual paper I'm trying to be frugal and read it online - not the same though!!
    I'm glad that I didn't upset too many people with Alpha nonsense!! I am crap and I know it!!


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